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Lyrics:Somewhat New Medium

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by MC Paul Barman

(All spoken)

Uh, good morning. I mean, good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

I want to tell you about an experience I had this morning in San Francisco.
You know, I'm staying in the hotel downtown and, uh,
I had two hours..two hours till I was rendevouzing with my beautiful girlfriend's
Beautiful girlfriend.
So I took a little walk outside the hotel, I walked up a street
With a name that's probably familiar to lots of people, but new to me.
But it had an old name and there was a marquee,
It kind of looked like a movie marquee,
Or maybe the type of thing posted outside of a motel
Or maybe even casino.

But it wasn't any of those things, it was some kind of sign
That belonged to an old gas station/tire shop
And it was closed because it was a Sunday and it said
"Americans are slow to hostility.
           -Winston Churchill"
And I thought "Isn't that something?
A big marquee with a Winston Churchill quote
In the middle of San Francisco.

And then I went to Walgreens to find my
Tom's of Maine Ginger-mint Fluoride-full toothpaste
But all they had was Fluoride-free.
And there was a woman at the counter with a parrot on her shoulder.
And she said "Yeah, yeah, my parrot is 44 years old."
And the people behind the counter at Walgreens, and next to the register
Chatted her up and they said
"Oh, we really like how the red feathers are so deeply red".
And I was like "Man, 44, now that's old for a parrot.
Kind of old for a person."
And the lady said "Yeah, these types of parrots live to be into their 60s."
And I was like "Good for you"
When I noticed a stream of parrot shit
Crawling down the back of the owner's t-shirt
And I thought to myself, "Either no one noticed the parrot shit on her back,
Or, more likely, she doesn't mind parrot shit on her back."
And I was like "Lady, don't brush against me. In fact, go home,
Don't buy anything at Walgreen's, change your shirt, potty-train your parrot,
Or don't go in public!"

And then I remembered how "Americans are slow to hostility".
And I thought, "Well, maybe in a crazy town like this,
You pay for the happy Winston Churchill quote
With the nasty parrot shit."

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