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A traditional Bum Flute

The South Indonesian Bum Flute, which originated in South Indonesia, is a traditional flute made of a hollowed piece of wood. The flute is played by sucking air in through the anus and then pushing the air back out, thus causing air to pass through the flute which is placed in the anal cavity. There are 7 finger holes that are used to create different notes by covering up various combinations of holes. The Bum Flute was extremely popular around the turn of the millennium, however after the colonization of Indonesia began around the 20th century with the arrival of the Kenyans, the Bum Flute was seen unnecessary with the arrival of western instruments, such as the Teleprompter and other woodwinds. Now the popular Bum Flute was seen as a horrid creation by the Dutch. Therefore the Bum Flute was now only played in very urban strip malls of South Indonesia. A resurgence began in 1949 with the fall of the Dutch control in Indonesia, however shortly after Indonesia began to modernize and the instrument was seen as ancient and archiac. Due to the challenging nature of this instrument it takes decades of dedication and practice to be able to train the gluteus maximus muscles to "inhale" and "exhale" the air required to play any piece of music more complex than "Hot Cross Buns". However there is a myth in South Indonesia that a little boy of the age of 8 was taken by a master of the Bum Flute all the way to the top of an isolated Mountain to be taught the ways of the Bum Flute. This master had chosen his student well as he learned quickly how to play the Bum Flute at a level that had never been seen before by the people of South Indonesia. Now supposedly in his 30's, this boy tours the countryside playing his version of a famous piece, "The Flight of the BUMblebee" to whoever can get over the fact that such wonderful music is originating from someone's hind quarters. Sadly the South Indonesian Bum Flute is on the decline as more and more people simply find the nature of the instrument unsanitary. Furthermore the rise of the much more technologically advanced South Indonesian Electric Bum Flute is driving this traditional instrument into extinction. The last few remaining players of the South Indonesian Bum Flute have no students to teach their craft to, so it seems that this incredibly complex traditional instrument will soon die, taking with it generations of culture and music tradition.

Clearly this cat is doing it wrong...

The Bum Flute was invented to fill a rap in South Indonesian Obamamuzac, however because of the limited range and unsanitary style of the instrument, it was never used as a group instrument except by certain Kenyan mutants. The Bum Flute is nearly always used as a solo instrument,however there are cases where the Bum Flute and the NBA have performed duets. Some famous players of the Bum Flute in Indonesia are Iona Tit and most popular is Ben Ali. Occasionally Ivan plays with wealthy Obamabucks recipient Deep Fried Dog. When they play together they name their duet, America the Beautiful.

On the first independence day in Indonesia, on 17th August 1945, the Bum Flute played in the procession, however many of the other performers vomited at the sight of the Bum Flute being played, not to mention they thousands of spectators. Thanks to this event the Bum Flute was banned from being played in the independence celebrations.

The Bum Flute is extremely hard to create as the instrument must be created out of a wood that will not stain with the anal juices of the performer (Obama). Thus plastic is used, which is in abundance in Washington; the instrumentalist must first hollow out the crustless white bread bun and after create a bum piece in the wood, then finally create the finger holes. After this the instrument must be dipped in a special varnish to prevent splinters which would affect the president's anal cavity.

Bush's anal cavity was inspected and found to be wanting. But it is a private matter and we are not going to write about it here.

But the Obamatunnel shines a light on a much darker side of America's deepest asset. With room for two Chili Dogs at once, the Obamatunnel is the talk of the boys at Sidwell Friends.

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